Yesterday we collectively looked into the abyss and decided who our Goats were going to be for the 2014-15 season. It’s a grim experience deciding who is going to be the fall guy for the inevitable woes in the season ahead. Should you make a mistake and name someone who has a good season your Goat? Yikes.
Fortunately today we get to pick our Star. Rarely do you make any mistakes involving Stars – excluding this unfortunate gal of course.
PICKING THE STAR
Picking the Goat gives you someone at whom you can vent your eternal Oilers related rage. The Star is quite the opposite. The Star is someone to pin your very hopes and dreams to. His greatness is often the single ray of sunshine in an otherwise interminably cloudy season of ice hockey (see: Oilers, 2007 to present)
There was some suggestions around the Nation HQ that I should go with a different player this year. “I think you should name Eberle your eternal star, then pick another player” came one suggestion. “I agree Wanye,” said another, “spread the love around and pick someone new.”
JORDAN EBERLE FOREVER
What the hell is going on with you people? Did we just meet? Did you forget who you are talking to? I am not allowed within 150 feet of Regina because of my love of Jordan Eberle. When I log in to shop.nhl.com a special box pops up that says “Welcome Wanye, click here for only Eberle crap” because of my love of Jordan Eberle.
I am banned from downloading MS-Paint, demanding gap tooth enhancement surgery from any more Edmonton dentists and have made a formal application to the Government of Canada to change my name to 14 because of my love of Jordan Eberle.
As long as I am drawing air in my lungs and my lump of coal for a heart pumps blood there is only one star:
Jordan Eberle.
LOOKING BACK
Allow me to quote myself back in 2010 on Star Picking Day:
Picking Jordan Eberle – a 20 year old rookie who hasn’t played a single game in the NHL – might seem like a bad idea. But on a team with more teenagers than a Justin Bieber concert, going with youth is probably the best move. We feel it is extraordinarily important that everyone understand that Jordan Eberle is going to be our boy. He’s ours dammit. Go get your own Jordan Eberle. This one is all ours!
It’s like being friends with Nostradamus isn’t it? I’ve been singing the Eberle song since day one. I ain’t changing my tune now – no way no how.
LETS GET SERIOUS FOR A MOMENT
All hyperbole, jokes and elective surgery plans aside let’s take a look at why Jordan Eberle is the best. Since being drafted in 2008 all Jordan Eberle has done is be a shining example of all that you could ask for in an Edmonton Oiler. It has been a true pleasure and the highlight of the last 6 years of Oilers hockey watching 14 play 275 games in the NHL and put up a tremendous 221 points in the process.
In an era where athletes are selfish buggers who could often give a tinkers cuss about their community, teammates and team itself – ol’ 14 has gone about establishing himself in the NHL as a legitimate star, a gentleman in the community and ostensibly a demon in the sack.
Unlike others on the roster we have never heard a single negative word about 14 from anyone who has come within 100 miles of the guy. Teammates, media, fans and random citizens of Edmonton alike have nothing but glowing reports about Eberle’s character and his on ice performance speaks for itself.
There are no issues with him from top to bottom. He is now easily the best all around Oiler since Ryan Smyth gloriously retired with the C on his chest where it belonged.
JORDAN WITH KIDS
Let’s take pause and look at some pictures of Jordan with some children shall we?
Yes. Look at him here taking a moment to pose with a tot. He hasn’t even finished his coffee!
Even tiny fans of the Red Sox know a Superstar when they see one. What a guy.
JORDAN IN COSTUME
Remember when he went to Vegas with the Nuge for the NHL awards and dressed up in the Cirque du Soleil costume???? I have never been more thankful for the invention of full body lycra suits than I was that day, I’ll tell you what.
Guess who?! This costume and fake moustache do little to conceal the juggernaut within. I pick Jordan Leslie Eberle for the Halloween win.
IN CLOSING
We have had a scare this offseason haven’t we Jordan? People were suggesting you were on the chopping block and could be potentially traded. We kept getting texts and tweets from dark souls saying “your boy is gonna get traded you know.” Many a shudder went down my spine.
But thankfully that wasn’t the case and now we can get back to the business at hand – you kicking ass and me taking names.
Until you retire and we open that Detective Agency in Papua New Guinea that we are always talking about, I am going to cheer mightily for you each and every night Sir.
Good luck in the season ahead. You are a Champion of the highest order and I salute you.
STARS THROUGH THE AGES
Here is a look at my star selection on an annual basis. I still shake my head at the Erik Cole pick.
2013-14 Jordan Eberle
2012-13 Jordan Eberle
2011-12 Jordan Eberle
2010-11 Jordan Eberle
2009-10 Mike Comrie
2008-09 Erik Cole
2007-08 Shawn Horcoff
2006-07 Ryan Smyth
2005-06 Chris Pronger
+1 for Pouliot. These fancy new competent players will do wonders for helping this team become mediocre.
I don’t know who this Wayne fellow is but I think he’s the start after this one. But really I think yak. He’s gonna have a grand old year
Boyd Gordon.
Nuge. He’s got it all figured out this year.
luke gadzic, he’s gonna teach them boys how to be men.
#YakCity—Love hurts, but it finds a way to shine through!
Update your profile for all to see!!! Nugent Hopkins is my star this year as will Ference be my (mini) goat. Please only a few times this year. Nothing to sweat about though. There will be many surprises this year including a real run for the playoffs. I can freaking smell it – dang-it.
Jack Travin.
Wanye?
Erik Cole?
Seriously?
That was rock bottom.
I chose Yak! The kid’s heart is bigger than anyone else’s on this team! More of his teammates need his brand of ‘give-a-sh$&-factor’.
Yak city!
More heart than the rest of the team? Are you serious? I like Yak and Im routing for him bigtime this year but didnt he cry to his agent about having to “skate alot” and “back check”?
Whining about having to skate and hes a hockey player. That is not heart
Eberle… I love him too Wanye I stand with you. I have never ever bought a jersey or shirt with a player’s name on it. But I did purchase an Eberle shirt. So I agree 2013-14 star.
But if we had to pick a 2nd Star I am going to say Ben Scrivens.
Arcobello!!!
Jeff Petry, because Corsi
SCRIVENS
I wanna pick 3.
Forward: Yak City!
Defense: Marty MacMarincin
Goal: Benjamin theprofessor Scrivens!
I’m drinking the kool aid, and it tastes so sweet! It’s going to be a great year ladies and gentlemen.
I think Wayne’s eberle obsession went from being funny to a little creepy… I’m concerned
LOLOLOLOLOL Soooooo….
As long as Eberle is on the team we will continue to be the “star” pick for every season? hahaha This seems rigged!
I’m going to pick Mark Arcobello. He won’t score as much as Nuge or have the faceoff numbers of Gordon, but he will make us all feel silly for wanting the Oilers to trade for a 2C.
Now that’s kool-aid talk!
“and ostensibly, a demon in the sack”. That’s gold Jerry.
My star is baby Nuge. Only because Dangles is gone–long live Dangles!
I also hope the Dangles shows the world what he can do when he’s not horribly underutilized and lights it up in big D.
Wanye It’s less like you pick stars and more like you pick guys you want to not be Oilers. Seriously, look at that list!
Pouliot is going to shock us as he both nurtures the rookie center and finds holes for his center to find him. (Said center is going to tear up the league with all that muscle near him.) 60 points plus for the big winger.
The anti goats:
#1 David Perron
#2 Justin Schultz
#3 Viktor Fasth
#4 Bob Nicholson
My star is Jeff Petry. Because he’s a legitimately good defenceman about to take a step, because he’s abou to exit the Oilers organization because they wouldn’t sign him long-term (IE, exactly when you would expect him to blossom). And because I think he’ll have success with more NHL defenceman to take the pressure off of him.
Honorable mention: Teddy Purcell. I think he’s a decent player that can produce offense in a secondary role, and I think he’ll take some people by surprise by how useful he’ll be in a secondary role.
I’m tempted to pick Eberle as the goat, just to go for the reverse-Wanye, but I’m going to pick Andrew Ference. I think he’ll end up getting passed by Klefbom soon, but will end up with more minutes and a more regular rotation because he’s the captain, a veteran and all that.
Honorable mention: Nikita Nikitin. He might only be a bottom pairing defenceman, but he’s being paid like a top four guy. I don’t have a problem with this, as they paid him on a very short term contract (which will expire before they have to sign a major contract like Perron or Draisaitl.
Keith Aullie because I like the koolaid.
Jordan Eberle will always be my star too!!!
Eberle? All you want in an oiler? Hey, I understand the guy is clutch, he can snipe, he can dangle, offensively, he has it.
But all I want in an oiler includes “Plays big. Sticks up for himself. Isn’t compared to butter on a regular basis. Backchecks. Hard.”
I pick Hall or Yakupov as my hero this year. I love the Yak zeal but Hall is a freakin beast. I’d be thrilled if this year ended the Tyler/Taylor debate with TH running away in a landslide.